Friday, May 30, 2008

Friday Funnies: Pirate Jokes

When I was a kid, it was elephant jokes that tickled my funny bone. Later, I fell hard for blonde jokes. I'm still totally addicted to light bulb jokes. ("How many ____ does it take to screw in a light bulb?") But, the newest kick in the pants is Pirate Jokes.

I have a friend who professes to be part of a pirate crew. This is for him, and for the pirate in all of us. Arrrrr!

* * * * *

1) A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down and orders a dirty rum. The bartender brings him his drink and asks, "Why you are wearing a paper towel?" The pirate says "Arrr - there's a Bounty on me 'ead."

2) A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!"
The pirate says, "What do you mean? I feel fine."
"But, what about that wooden leg," says the bartender. "You didn't have that before."
"Well, you see," replies the pirate, "there was a terrible battle at sea. A cannon ball hit me leg, and the surgeon had to amputate it, but he fixed me up with this peg leg and I'm fine, really."
The bartender continues, "But what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had two hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "there was another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight, and my hand was cut off, but the surgeon fix me up with this hook. I feel great, really."
"But," insists the bartender, "what about your eye? The last time we met, you had two eyes, and now you are wearing a patch."
"Well," says the pirate, "one day on ship I was looking up while some birds were flying overhead, and one of them pooped in me eye."
"How did that cause you to lose your eye?" asks the bartender.
"Well, you see, I wasn't used to me 'ook yet."

3) Why did the pirate cross the sea?
..... To get to the other tide.

4)What do you get when you cross a pirate and a zucchini?
..... A squashbuckler


5 comments:

Ellie said...

I love pirates!

Just found your blog. We are in SW OH, too. Proud guardians of two rescued greyhounds, three former pound kitties, two bettas and a 30g freshwater aquarium full of peaceful community fish. Don't know much about birds. We feed the finches, host a robin's nest in our pine tree and share our yard with a pair of gorgeous cardinals. My blog is soapboxprincess-ellie.blogspot.com

NCmountainwoman said...

Why couldn't the kid get into the pirate movie?

Because it was rated Aaarrrh!

cindy said...

More please!!! I love pirate jokes and stories!

KatDoc said...

Good one, NC! Aaarrrhh!

Just for Cindy: More pirate jokes next week.

Elie: Welcome aboard, matey! Hope you enjoy the trip.

holly said...

What has 12 arms, 12 legs and 12 eyes?

A dozen pirates.