Friday, July 4, 2008

Friday Funnies - "Light Bulb" jokes

I love "Light Bulb Jokes." You know, "How many (___) does it take to change a light bulb?" An oldie but a goodie is:

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?"
"One, but the light bulb really has to want to change."

My favorite light bulb jokes have themes. Here is one set from my collection, for those of us who went to college in Ohio or Michigan:

How many college students does it take to screw in a light bulb??

At the University of Michigan, it takes two. One to change the bulb and one to brag how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy League School.

At Michigan State, it takes two thousand. One to change the bulb, and the other one thousand nine hundred ninety-nine to riot and set it on fire.

At Ball State, it takes ten. One to change the bulb and the other nine to sit around and watch because it is the big entertainment of the evening.

At Bowling Green, it takes zero. They are all too drunk from the night before to care whether or not the lights are on.

At Ohio University, it takes five. One to bring the weed and four to smoke it while they all imagine they screwed it in.

At the University of Cincinnati, it takes four. One to change the bulb, one to steal the new bulb from the store, one to act as a look out, and one to drive the getaway car.

At the University of Dayton, it takes eight. One to screw it in and seven to throw a party over it.

At Case Western, it takes twenty. One to change the bulb and the other nineteen to find a new way to engineer it so it never has to be changed again.

At THE Ohio State University, it takes two. One to screw it in and one to time it to make sure they did it faster than Michigan.

At Miami University, it takes zero. They have mommy and daddy pay someone to do it for them.


Do you have any favorite light bulb jokes?


Julie Zickefoose said...

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Lisa said...

You know how much I love light bulb jokes:

Q: How many Arieses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.

And my personal favorite:

Q: How many Surrealist artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A blue fish Tuesday.

holly said...

It depends on the kind of dog.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

Appropriate for Katdoc, no? The one that always gets me is the black Lab. Because it is SO on.

KatDoc said...

Oh, Holly! You stole my thunder!! I was going to do the dog series next.

Both the retrievers are good, but the Lab is classic.